


The Storm of The Fucking Century

by Kamikaze2007



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-05 21:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamikaze2007/pseuds/Kamikaze2007
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John, Jade, and Dave try to see a movie, but mother nature has completely different plans.  Loosely based on an actual event.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Storm of the Fucking Century

**Author's Note:**

> We're going to say our main pairing isn't related in this for simplicity's sake, okay? Okay. Enjoy!

Our usual movie night would have been great if it wasn’t for  _the storm of the fucking century_.

Every Monday night, Jade, Dave and I would meet at Rose’s house and hang out before going out and watching a movie at the dollar theater.  This particular Monday, though, we ran into a bit of a snag.  Hence  _the storm of the fucking century_.  This movie night actually started off snagged though, as we arrived at Rose’s house to find her as sick as a dog.  She insisted that we go, though, despite her inability to attend and the fact that it was starting to rain.  We didn’t think the rain would amount to anything.

Silly us. 

We promised to come back after the movie and piled into my car.  I pulled away from Rose’s house and the rain picked up instantly.  We were barely a mile away and what we thought was a sprinkling of rain turned into some sort of torrential downpour or something.  It was raining hard.  I could barely see the road!  Anyway, Jade helped me navigate from the passenger seat while Dave chilled out in the back seat, probably texting his girlfriend.  We finally got to the dollar theater to see that no one was in the parking lot.

“Well, this is strange,” I observed.  “Why isn’t anyone here?”

Dave sighed in the back.  “John, bro.  Look at the fucking sign.”  I looked at the sign that normally announced what this building was with bright lights to see that these lights were not on.

“Uh, are they closed?”  I asked.

“John, the power’s out on this whole strip mall,” Jade said.  Her sentence was punctuated by a loud clap of thunder and her squeaking. 

Dave in the back raised an eyebrow.  “Are you…scared of the thunder?”

“More like the fucking lightning and thunderstorms in general.  But what’s important is what are we going to do now?”

I tapped the steering wheel and bit my lip.  Thinking aloud, I said, “Well, I didn’t bring enough money for anything but a dollar theater movie.”

“Then nothing left to do but go home,” Dave said.

I groaned.  “But I don’t want to do any more driving.”

“I’d rather be inside a building safe an—“ Jade was interrupted by a flash and a thunderclap.  She finished her sentence by squealing.  “I don’t like this at all!”  She buried her face in her hands and whined.  “Let’s go home.” 

“Rose’s house it is!”  And so we were off.

Getting back to Rose’s house was one hell of an adventure.  The roads were flooded from the rain and the lightning was consistent and close, meaning loud thunder and bright flashes.  The worst part of the storm was right above us the entire time and it did not slow down one bit.  In fact, we pulled up to Rose’s house and the storm worsened.  It was almost like the storm was specifically trying to torment us. 

So there we were, sitting in my little car in front of Rose’s house as  _the storm of the fucking century_  raged all around us.  We all removed our seatbelts, I turned off the car, and Jade curled up in the passenger seat, scared to death of the lightning.  Nobody moved and we just stared at Rose's front door.    Finally, Dave spoke up.  “So, is anyone gonna fucking move?”  We could barely hear him over the rain pouring down on the car.  Jade and I looked back and shook our heads.  “Well why the hell not?”

“I wouldn’t mind the rain at all,” Jade said, pausing as lightning flashed and shivered.  “It’s that lightning.  I don’t wanna get struck.”  I nodded agreement and Dave shook his head.

“You guys are pussies.” 

“Oh yeah?  Well, I’d like to see you brave that storm!”  Jade shot back at him.

“Watch me,” Dave said smugly.  A moment passed and we were all silent. 

“Okay…and?” I asked. 

“I’m waiting for it to lighten up a bit,” Dave insisted.  “Just watch, when it lightens up I will dash for that fucking door and you will be so amazed your pants will come off.”  Jade and I looked at each other and I raised an eyebrow.  As Dave finished his sentence, the downpour weakened and we looked at him.  We were silent until the rain picked up again and I raised an eyebrow in Dave’s direction.  “Fuck, don’t look at me like that, I wasn’t ready.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said rolling my eyes. 

“Shut the fuck up, I’m ready next time so when it lightens up I’m out of here.”  As if listening, the storm eased up on the rain.  Dave scrambled to the door and jumped out.

“Don’t die!” Jade yelled as he slammed the door and booked it for Rose’s front door.  We watched and when he safely made it in we cheered.  The cheer was cut short when lightning once again lit up the sky and thunder clapped so loud it could be likened to a gong more than a simple clap.  Jade screamed and curled up tighter and I jumped. 

“Shit, normally I love thunderstorms but this is kind of scary,” I said.  “It’s fucking awesome, but it’s scary too.”

Jade nodded.  “We’re going to be stuck in here forever aren’t we?”

“Naw, we’ll make it inside.”

“Not while all this lightning is around!”

“It’s not like it’s going to hit anything.”

Jade glared at me.  “Do you see these flashes?  Look around.  See how some flashes are longer than other ones?”

I leaned forward to observe the flashes of lightning.  “Uh, yeah.”

“Those longer flashes mean the lightning is hitting something.  It’s hitting things around here!” 

“Oh, I see…”  I sat back and sighed.  “So what do we do now?”

“We can run in when the lightning lets up or we can wait out this storm.”

I laughed, “This doesn’t look like it’s gonna lighten up anytime soon.”

“So we wait, I guess.”  Jade sighed.  And we waited, staring at Rose’s house and listening to the sounds of the storm.  The rain pounding on the car, the thunder clapping shortly after lightning lit up the world around us.  Nobody dared to leave their house so the streets were completely empty of all but parked cars and moisture. Finally we started to talk about how big this storm was and how funny it was that it was so hot just yesterday.  We sat in that car for a good half an hour, too scared to move or touch anything in the car.  Finally Jade perked up.  She listened intently for a moment, shooshing me if I said anything.  She uncurled herself and sat up correctly.  She looked at me and said, “We might be able to make it.”

“What?”  I asked.

“Listen.  You know how you can tell how far away lightning is by how far apart it and the thunder are?” 

“Uh, yeah.” 

“If we listen and watch we could find a window when the lightning isn’t so close and we can run inside.”

I didn’t completely understand it, but it was a plan and Jade seemed to know what she was talking about.  “Okay, sounds like a plan.  Whenever you’re ready.”

A moment of listening later, she turned to me and said, “We could have gone.”  She cracked a smile and I chuckled.

“Oops,” I laughed.  “Next time.”

“Yeah, next time.”  She looked back out the window and shuddered.  “John?”

“What?”

“What if we die?”  She turned to me, her eyes wide. 

“We’re not gonna die.”  I said.  “We’re gonna be fine.”

“But what if we’re not?” She insisted.  Her eyes were starting to tear up and I felt my face heat up.  Was it just me or did Jade just look really…cute?

“Okay, well, if we’re not okay, then I’m glad I’ll be able to die with you.”  I said, instantly feeling ashamed.  Dammit, John, really?  How cheesy can you get?

Jade’s eyes widened and she smiled.  “Awww!  Come here, you!”  She pulled me into a hug and I hugged back tight.   She released me from the hug and I had no choice but to do the same.  She listened to the thunder and said, “Are you ready?”

I gulped and hesitated.  Finally I said, “No.”

“What?”

I put my hands on her shoulders, and without thinking I kissed her.   I guess this is the part of the story where I describe the kiss.  Truth is, I’m not sure  _how_  to describe it.  It was a kiss and it was with Jade and it was nice.  If any part of the kiss stands out to me, it’s that her lips were really, really soft.  So pleasantly soft that I was disappointed when the kiss ended.  Jade’s face was bright red and I could tell I was blushing too.  She smiled cutely and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“We, uh, missed a good opportunity to, uh…” Jade trailed off.

“Get inside?” I finished.

“Get inside.”  She nodded. 

We shared a nervous laugh.   “Oops, sorry about that.” 

“It’s okay.  Next chance we get, we run, okay?”

I nodded.  “Yeah, okay.” 

Jade kissed me quickly.  “For good luck,” she said. 

“Got it.”

“Ready?”  Jade asked.  I nodded and we grabbed our door handles.  “And….”  She hesitated.  “Go!”  We threw open our doors, got out and slammed them shut before bolting for Rose’s front door.  The rain was so heavy we were instantly drenched.  We got in the door as lightning lit up the sky and thunder clapped loud enough to make me jump. We sat down hard, panting as Dave closed the door behind us. 

“Took you long enough.  What happened, did you fuck in there or something?” He asked.

Jade laughed.  “No, not quite.”  I stood up and stretched before helping her to her feet.  Despite the fact that we were drenched, Jade hugged me tight.  “We made it!”

“I told you there wasn’t anything to worry about.” 

She looked in my eyes and raised an eyebrow.  “So you were never worried?”

“Nope!” 

“And that’s why you kissed me, right?” 

I blushed again.  “Uh, of course.”  Jade laughed and gave me a quick kiss. 

“Get a room,” Dave said.

“Not in my house they don’t,” Rose croaked from the other room.  “Now get your asses up here so I can kick them at Mario Kart.” 

And well, that’s pretty much the end of that story, I guess.  We played Mario Kart the rest of the night and Jade and I were pretty much inseparable for the rest of the night and every night since then.

Is that a good ending?  I don’t know.  This writing thing is too hard.  How Rose puts up with it I don’t know.  But hey, I wrote the story of our experience in  _the_   _storm of the fucking century_ and that’s all Rose asked.  From now on I’m leaving the writing thing to her.   This has been John Egbert and I hope you have a good day.

Does that work as an ending?  Fuck I don’t know.  Stop reading this.


	2. The Crime of the Fucking Century

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To celebrate the day marking two years since they survived the storm, John and Jade decide to celebrate, but things come to a screeching halt when they find themselves in harm's way. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the last fics I ever expected to add on to, but here it is and here I am. I hope you enjoy this second installment that, as is par for the course in my writing, takes the first installment's theme of being based on a true story and flushes it down the toilet

I can’t believe Rose is making me write again. Last time was when she told me to write  _The Storm of the Fucking Century_  two years ago, and now she’s making me write about my experiences again.

I mean, I guess it  _is_  pretty funny that something equally dangerous and life-threatening happened on the second anniversary of me and Jade macking on each other in that car and hooking up, so I guess I’ll write it out. Why not?

Two years had passed since me and Jade got together in my shitty little car in the middle of the downpour that had become affectionately known as the storm of the fucking century, and pretty much everything had changed. Friends came and went, pets came and went, and family members mostly went. I got a slightly less shitty bigger car and Jade got a car that was smaller and shittier car than my old one, if that was possible. We became closer to each other than anyone we’d ever known and we had been intimate on levels I’d previously never dreamed of. And yes, much to Dave’s sick delight, I had seen her naked. Movie night Monday at the dollar theater had slowly stopped happening; not out of us drifting apart, but out of everyone being so damn busy. But just because we didn’t go on Monday didn’t mean Jade and I couldn’t go to the movies on the Wednesday of our anniversary to watch a movie to celebrate sticking together for two years, which was something most of our friends didn’t think would last.

As a completely unrelated aside, Karkat can eat a dick.

We went to see the new superhero movie, and on the way out, we started talking about what was good and what was not. “It was alright,” I said. “It would have been better if Nic Cage or my man Matthew were in it, though.”

“John Egbert, I swear to god, if you come out of one more superhero movie saying that, I’m gonna smack you,” Jade said, feigning rage.

“Hey, they took Nic Cage Superman away from me, a boy can dream.”

Jade rolled her eyes. “God, you’re a nerd.”

“I’m your nerd,” I said hip checking her playfully. Jade, being the hyper-athletic woman she was, decided to hip check me right back, which almost sent me sprawling.

“Now where do we go?” She asked when we piled into my car.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I still have some cash left over from the movie, so we could go by a convenience store to grab some snacks.”

“Yeah,” Jade said, trailing off.

“Or is there something you have in mind?” I asked, picking up on her tone masked a “but” under that “yeah.”

“I mean, we could get snacks,” Jade said quickly. “But if you want to get something else, we could do that too…”

“What do you mean?” I asked. She looked at me over the rim of my glasses and winked, a classic move that never failed to wrap me around her finger. “Oh, you mean rubbers.”

“Dick sleeves,” Jade confirmed with a nod. “We might as well end our second year together with a bang.”

“I like your thinking,” I said. “Cock pockets it is.” A short drive later and we were pulling up to a gas station and walking in with a particular mission. I noticed that the store was empty save for one guy getting snacks and the cashier. “What time is it?”

“It’s like, eleven,” Jade said. “Pretty fucking late.”

“Geeze, that movie was longer than I thought,” I sighed. “Let’s get what we need and go, I have a weird feeling about this place.” We made our way straight to the condom section and my face flushed. “God, why do they always have to put the condoms right in front of the cashier? Were they trying to make it as awkward as physically possible to get condoms?”

Jade shrugged. “You’re just a baby.”

“I am, but it’s true. If you want people to practice safe sex, maybe you should move the condoms somewhere more discreet.”

“Hey, the other guy’s paying for his shit,” Jade said in a hushed tone. “So get them now while no one’s looking.”

“Right,” I said with a nod. I grabbed a box of condoms and made sure they were the right size before throwing them up in the air and catching them on the way down. “Let’s go,” I said. I turned and saw the cashier’s eyes wide open. I briefly wondered what his problem was before deciding to get in line behind the coated man. The man swung around and pointed at us with a lump in his coat.

“Don’t move!” He shouted. “Until I get the whole contents of that fucking cash register, nobody’s going anywhere.”

Holy shit that was not a banana in his pocket and he was definitely not happy to see us. Jade and I screamed and ran to hide behind a shelf before he opened fire. The man turned around and angrily demanded money. Jade hugged me tight and I wrapped my arms around her protectively. “We’re going to die,” Jade sobbed.

“Shh, it’ll be okay,” I said running my hand through her long, silky hair. God, that’s such an overused descriptor for hair. I’m really bad at this writing thing, Sorry guys.

“Maybe he’ll just leave when he gets the money,” she whispered hopefully. “If he gets what he wants, there’s no reason to shoot up a joint, right?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “These criminal types are fucking insane.”

Jade bit her lip and shook her head. “John, I’m scared.”

“I am too,” I said.

Suddenly, the man’s voice seemed to change something in Jade and her expression hardened. She looked at me and nodded. I tilted my head in confusion and she rustled through her purse briefly before pulling out a swiss army knife. She flipped a wicked looking knife out of it and showed it to me. “I’m gonna sneak up on him and scare him with my knife.”

I looked at her with my mouth hanging open. “Are you insane?” I asked as loud as I could get away with. “He’ll fucking shoot you!”

“It might just work,” Jade said. “My grandpa told me to always carry some form of defense with me and this is exactly why. I can save all of us right now.”

“It’s dangerous!” I hissed. “He could shoot you.”

Jade looked me in the eye and struggled to hold back a tear. “If I don’t try, he’s going to kill all of us.”

“Jade….” Jade shut me up by kissing me suddenly and passionately.

Fuck you Rose I’m not gonna describe it. All I’m gonna say is I got a boner from it. It was the only time I can ever remember being turned on and terrified for my life at the same time.

She pulled away and smiled sweetly. “I love you so much, John. Happy two year anniversary.”

I sobbed in response, unable to form words. She put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and nodded. Her sweet smile was gone and was replaced with a steely, determined face. She stood up and ever so slowly crept up on the man robbing the store. The cashier was stalling, hoping desperately that we were calling the police or something and the man was losing his patience. Just as he raised his voice, Jade grabbed his right arm, which was holding the gun up and prodded him in the back with her knife. “That’s a knife,” she said. “Now drop the gun or I’ll draw blood.”

The man wrestled out of her grasp and whirled around. When he saw that her knife was indeed real, he screamed, threw his hands up and dropped what was in his hand before dashing out of the store. I looked at what dropped and realized: holy shit, it  _was_  a banana in his pocket!

Shortly after the incident, the police arrived and we had to explain every detail to them. Unfortunately, we didn’t get a good view of the man’s face, but if he was dumb enough to try to hold up a store with a banana, he probably shouldn’t even try to brave jail. Anyway, they congratulated Jade in having the bravery to stand up to a man that could have killed her for all she knew, and I’m pretty sure we wound up in the weird news section of a couple of websites. Once we got home that night, we realized how weird it is that we were in bizarre life-threatening situations both on the day we got together and our two year anniversary.

“Let’s not make this a habit,” I said.

“You cried,” Jade teased.

“It was tense, okay?”

Now that you know the story, I’ll try my best to never get into another highly dangerous situation again, and if I do, I’m going to make sure as hell Rose doesn’t make me fucking write about it.

And for those curious (Dave,) we didn’t bang that night.


End file.
